The Dark Tower: The Waste Lands

I like to set myself quests. The most recent – “find the real Jim Thirlwell” – had a mixed, Lost-style ending full of furrowed brows and head-scratching. Still, it means that at least since the poor chap was kind enough to answer my extremely-bloody-nosy questions, I can move along and follow where next my Pinball Stream of Consciousness takes me. I think that will be Chapter 34: “Find the Next Rock ‘n’ Roll Star”, since I’m currently experiencing the same level of exasperation with the state of modern music that Henry Rollins did in the early 90s: “Most of these bands can’t even get their hair off the floor!” he growled, shaking his thick-necked head at the limp indie boys that surrounded him. The world has moved on, as Roland of Gilead would say.

So. Quests. Gives you something to do. Roland the Gunslinger. F***ing stupid name for a hero.

I’ve just finished The Waste Lands, the third in the Dark Tower saga by Stephen King. I have to confess: I’m in love. As always with me, it’s a mixture of fierce, unexpected intelligence and huge puppy dog eyes that does it. Gets me every time.

But, no, it’s not Roland of Gilead that has stolen my heart. It’s Oy the billy-bumbler – a fictitious blend of badger, raccoon and dog – whose voice (bark) lingers in my consciousness, and who I absolutely, desperately want to survive.

I love Stephen King’s style of writing – it’s simple, elegant and unobtrusive. He knows how to write without showing off, and manages to bring scenes vividly and pungently to life. He writes far too much about pus, but I won’t hold that against him.

I’m now halfway through this saga, and increasingly gripped by what is regarded as King’s magnum opus – a blend of post-apocalyptic sci-fi and fantasy, taking in an otherworldly Wild West, the New York of the 70s and 80s, and all manner of strange interdimensional beings. It’s The Road with characters, punctuation and a plot. It’s Lord of the Rings if only Tolkein didn’t f***ing waffle so much. It’s The Magnificent Seven without the stilted acting.

And it has a cute badger thing that parrot-talks. What more could you want?

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