Timewaster Letters: Golden Wonder

I decided to collect together some of my more mischievous moments and April Fool’s gags and put them here, since I think they’re more appropriate to this blog than any other.

Back when the internet was a less formal place – my work email signature was “I never drink water – fish f*** in it” – I had this email exchange with a representative from Golden Wonder. To any Americans reading, Golden Wonder are a British manufacturer of tasty savoury treats. We call them crisps, you call them potato chips, and Nik Naks are little knobbly wheaty bites. I dimly recall that Tazos were little collectible plastic shapes. I found these email printouts when doing my house clearout.

Subject: Oi! Where’s me prize?
Date: 17 October 1997 09:42

Dear Golden Wonder

Please could I have a million pounds? You see, I have never had much luck with promotional packets of crisps and a million pounds would really come in handy now the festive season is upon us.

I’ve never even won a Tazo. Or a pop-up dinosaur. Every day, I buy a packet of crisps in the forlorn hope of maybe just a Luke Skywalker plastic chip to cheer me through the day. But, alas, there is none.

So, if it is possible, I would like to win a million pounds. Or maybe just a tenner. Hell, a fiver. A Tazo?

Luke Skywalker?

A Nik Nak?

Anyway, thanks.

(Princess).

——————————————–

From: kissme@golden-wonder.co.uk
To: (Princess)
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 1997 11:14
Subject: Oi! Where’s me prize?

(Princess), thanks for your e-mail, I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to reply. We’re really disappointed that you haven’t won a prize yet.

I can’t send the million to you, but if you send me your address, I’ll give you a voucher to buy lots more Nik Naks. More Nik Naks, more chances to win the million.

Regards

Liz

—————

I wrote back with my address and she sent me a £1 voucher, with which I bought a multipack of Nik Naks. Still didn’t bloody win it, though. 😀

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