Games Census

While millions of Britons fill out the 32-page festival of nosiness that came through our door today, I think they left off a few questions that I’d have asked.

Census photo by Alamy from The Guardian

44. When you arrived at the Census Office in Morrowind, did you take the silverware?

(Yes –> go to question 45. No –> go to question 46)

45. Did you feel guilty?

46. Do you resist taking game items that don’t belong to you because you think it’s rude to go rifling through other people’s belongings?

47. Did you serve your time in Oblivion‘s jail?

48. Did you escape from prison in Dragon Age?

49. Are you starting to develop a complex from how many times you have been imprisoned in video games?

50. Did you laugh out loud at the live-action cutscene in Daggerfall?

51. In the last week, have you found yourself jumping up and down on the spot because you can’t remember which button opens doors?

52. In the last week, have you muttered, “Listen, lady, I just don’t care,” and refused to help an NPC with a quest because you were feeling lazy?

(Yes –> go to question 53. No –> go to question 54)

53. Did you feel guilty?

54. Last week, how many times did you watch the Skyrim trailer?

55. Last week, how many times did you fling a cute animal at a target?

56. Have you named your Brink character yet?

57. If you don’t get your desired quest outcome in an RPG, do you replay that section until it turns out the way you want it?

58. In the last year, have you spent more than 30 hours overturning quest outcomes?

59. Are you clinically addicted to a Facebook game?

60. Are you clinically addicted to an MMO?

61. How many games do you own that you have never played?

62. How many copies of The Orange Box do you own?

63. Do you know your way around Mêlée Island?

64. Would you kindly answer all questions honestly?

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By Princess Stomper Posted in Games

One comment on “Games Census

  1. From Facebook:

    “44) Yes. Every time. 45) No.”

    “That’s missing, ‘What was your favorite weapon in Fallout 3 and why?'”

    Don’t be absurd! The game had a portable handheld nuclear cannon! Even the rock-it launcher couldn’t compare to that!

    “Yeah, but I never got a better visceral rush than taking the sniper rifle and laying out 10 raiders that could never figure out where I was. Sneak + High ground = Massive EGO win.”

    “Why would I take the silverware when I could grab the expensive antique dwemer platter right in front of Socucius Ergalla, drop it before the guard came over to tell me this was inappropriate, and then pick it back up with nary a care.
    However generally I didn’t steal things.”

    “AND THE LIMEWARE!”

    Further questions:
    – How many times did you crash the snowbike into a tree in Modern Warfare 2?
    – When you close your eyes, do you still see the exploding gems from Bejeweled? – If someone tells you “supernatural thriller about a writer” do you think of Alan Wake before you think of Stephen King?
    – Have you ever made a pillow fort?
    – Have you ever tormented the Adoring Fan?
    – Last week, how many times did you quote a game character in conversation?
    – Did you ever get the multiplayer on Borderlands to work?
    – Ashley or Kaiden?

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