Robert Pattinson hates his life

 

Interviewer: “What do you think of ‘R-Pattz’ actually?”
Rob: “I would like to break the hands and mouth of the person who came up with it.”

We’re taught to lie from an early age, and – when we’re older – to be diplomatic, to spin and to generally gloss over the unpleasantness in life. That’s why, when someone genuinely just does not give a f***, it feels like such a breath of fresh air. Especially when, like Rob Pattinson, there doesn’t seem to be any malice behind it, just a general sense of exasperation with how eye-wateringly stupid the world is.

I’m no Twilight fan – I haven’t read more than a paragraph of the first book and thought the first two films (not seen the others) were f***ing awful. Rob Pattinson, though, I’ve got a lot of time for, and here’s why.

Robert Pattinson Hates His Life is a blog dedicated to Rob’s more candid moments, in which he vents his frustration with the press, the toe-curlingly stupid Twilight franchise –

“Fell in love with a baby.”

What.

The.

F***

– and his lingering faint alarm at Twilight‘s creepy obsessive fans.

“I can imagine some twilight fans being like ‘that’s how I wanna have my baby … I wanna have a c-section with someone chewing’ … some poor husband is gonna have to do that somewhere in the world!”

I find the whole concept of fandom intriguing. The minute someone puts themselves up onto a platform they have to divide themselves into their public and private personas and from a distance as a fan (of anyone) you have to recognise that dichotomy: that there is a real person there and not just the reflective screen for your projections. Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt have regular-people thoughts and feelings and individual psyches and aren’t just public property. They’re struggling with their need for your approval and their need to wall themselves off and maintain their dignity and privacy, and you have to separate the fantasy from the reality. Most people manage that just fine, but some people are completely unable to see the humanity in their crushes and that’s simultaneously terrifying and amusing. As a deep-down-regular-person, Rob Pattinson is laughing and shuddering along with the rest of us, and that he does so very publicly is just beautiful.

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Interviewer: “Millions of Twilight fans out there just cannot wait to see this. It’s almost heartbreaking because they don’t want it to be over. It’s a little bittersweet, isn’t it?”
Rob: “For them!” *laughs*

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Interviewer: “What can fans expect from it?”
Rob: “It’s terrible!

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Read Robert Pattinson Hates His Life here

(Hint: to circumvent the coding error, type “/page/2” etc at the end of the URL to reach the archives)

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And if that isn’t enough, rpattzhateshislife.tumblr.com covers the same ground, to really make sure you’re getting your full fix of obvious disdain.

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Interviewer: “What other things as an actor do you see for yourself on the horizon?”
Rob: I don’t know … I guess just staying employed in one form or another is enough for me. I have very low expectations.”

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“I mean, you gotta have the contact lenses. My entire performance is based on having contact lenses. Your eyes are just kind of like that all the time, like [*squints*] … Kind of makes you look slightly constipated and stoned. It’s quite easy to achieve!”

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