Azealia Banks and Perez Hilton are amateurs: wittiest celebrity insults of all time

Jumping the shark? Azealia Banks

So Azealia Banks apologised to her gay fans after calling Perez Hilton a “f*ggot” and telling him to kill himself, because that was a jaw-droppingly stupid thing to do. The ugly spat arose because he sided with her rival, Angel Haze, a couple of days after Ms Haze posted a diss track about Ms Banks, to which she retaliated in kind.

[Caution: all links contain strong language]

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Like you, I was shocked – SHOCKED! – to hear such foul language emanating from the classy young lady who brought us such lyrics as

but people need to stop pretending that Perez Hilton is any less vulgar and crass.

Leaving aside the obvious “ugh” surrounding her homophobic remarks, it’s another disappointing episode on Twitter following Rihanna’s garish spat with Joan Rivers:

Joan: “Rihanna confessed to Oprah Winfrey that she still loves Chris Brown. Idiot! Now it’s MY turn to slap her.”
Rihanna: “wow u really do get slow when you’re old huh? Slap on some diapers”

All this tasteless trash talking riles up my inner literary critic: where is the sharp wit? The witty ripostes? The razor retorts? It’s like today’s young pop pups have lost the art of how to diss someone elegantly. Azealia, Angel, Perez and Rihanna could all learn a thing from …

Dave Mustaine

Before he went mad, Megadeth’s maestro said that Kirk Hammett – his replacement in Metallica – “plays to the best of his ability.” Meow! Especially after he “nailed” the man’s girlfriend …

Conan O’Brien (about Tommy Lee)

“Pamela Lee said her name is tattooed on her husband’s penis. Which explains why she changed her name from Anderson to Lee.”

Bette Midler (on Princess Anne)

“She loves nature – in spite of what it did to her.”

Woody Allen

“The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers”

Groucho Marx

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.”

Dorothy Parker

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

Snooker champ John Parrott (on Joan Collins)

“She can’t be with us tonight. She’s busy attending the birth of her next husband.”

Mae West

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill)

“Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.”

Winston Churchill (response to George Bernard Shaw)

“Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second – if there is one.”

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”

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