You can’t remake Footloose. OK, so I know they did, but it’s just wrong. I watched it for the first time yesterday, though I already knew that any such remake was a mistake. It’s as defined by its soundtrack as Dirty Dancing or … hell … the Sound of Music. It would be a bit like if Selena Gomez (instead of Julie Andrews) skipped to the top of the mountain and sang
Band-members are like the ingredients of a cake: get it wrong, and the result is bland or sickly. It’s about getting people together who make each other feel comfortable, who can inspire the audience, and who can deflate the ego of an overindulgent songwriter. The producer is the mould. If you pour cake mix onto a baking tray, you’ll end up with a flat, sticky mess. Some producers are like old-fashioned round cake tins, providing a strong but subtle structure that simply allows the flavours to emerge. Others make fancy shapes, so vibrant and daring that its cakeness comes second to its art-form. Like the line-up, the right producer for your band is the one that fits your personal dynamic, and brings out the best in what you, uniquely, have to offer.
Oh dear – Ms Germanotta’s not doing too well lately, is she? Still, let’s not dwell on the ill-advised and move to the more positive territory of 10 cheesy videos from the 1980s I’d rather be watching.
10. Irene Cara – What a Feeling (Flashdance)
[caution: violence against chairs]
Unlike misheard lyrics, Literal Videos are cover versions of songs with the lyrics changed to match the action in the video. Youtube user DASjr Productions has uploaded some absolutely hilarious examples, and others have followed suit. Here are my favourite videos by DASjr, which had me giggling like a lunatic yesterday. The Bonnie Tyler and Nirvana ones are way funnier than the others, but I got a smile from all of them. The “cat frame” is to avoid the videos being blocked on copyright grounds (which rather undermines the fair use/parody idea).
Total Eclipse of the Heart “I’m swaying side to side / these dancers need to stop / the gayest man on earth would call this over the top”