Missing Logic: The Woman In Black

The Woman in Black movie poster

It’s hard to believe this pant-poopingly scary film is a 12, but you know me, I’ll scream at anything. People love to watch horror flicks with me because I jump so dramatically at every spook that it makes them feel on edge, thus amplifying the scares. It’s far from the most scary film I’ve seen, but nestles in comfortably between What Lies Beneath and The Others for old-fashioned chills.

THE FILM

Daniel Radcliffe puts in a competent enough performance as Arthur Kipps that you get over the Harry Potter jokes within the first few minutes. Then you might be forgiven for spending a brief time noting how handsome he’s turned out before recoiling from the weirdness and putting that thought out of your mind, thank you very much. After which you’ll just forget it’s got Harry Potter in it and get on with enjoying the film.  Continue reading

Missing Logic: The Road

Despite hating the book so much that I left it on a train so that it would no longer sully my handbag, I willingly watched the film of The Road. I figured the only way it could replicate the book’s irritation factor would be to be. Shot. Entirely. In. Rapid. Jump. Cuts.

It wasn’t.

That’s way too much punctuation for the start of this feature, considering the book has hardly any, but there we go. The book’s b*llocks, so what’s wrong with the film?  Continue reading

Missing Logic: Avatar

Avatar is showing this weekend on British TV, which reminds me of some pretty obvious problems.

THE FILM

It’s Pocahontas as played out by Smurfs, remember? Gorgeous Sam Worthington escapes his wheelchair in a virtual body (or “avatar”) on a pretty rainforest planet. He falls in love with the girl-Smurf (Zoe Saldana) and organises a rebellion against the evil US army.  Continue reading

Missing Logic: Resident Evil: Afterlife

I don’t expect a lot from Resident Evil films, I really don’t. They’re based on video games, for heaven’s sake! I do expect them to entertain, and this one does (if you’re drunk enough, which unfortunately I wasn’t). It does start promisingly enough with a Matrix-lobby-style shoot-out that promises quality gun porn, after which it’s all downhill from there. Continue reading

Missing Logic: Fallen

Yet another film that could have gone a totally different way if the people in it hadn’t been so staggeringly stupid. (Caution: spoilers)

THE FILM

Fallen is the thriller about a fallen angel starring Denzel Washington, John Goodman and Elias Koteas – not to be confused with The Prophecy, the thriller about a fallen angel starring Eric Stoltz, Christopher Walken and Elias Koteas.

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Missing Logic: Right At Your Door

More than the “How it should have ended” series on YouTube is the infuriating feeling you get when you’re watching a film that even though it’s well acted, well directed and everyone else is doing their jobs pretty well, the scriptwriter fell asleep on the job? Case in point is the oft-cited way to end Lord of the Rings in five minutes by having the eagles drop Frodo at Mount Doom.

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