Why I’m worried about Iron Man 3

The new trailer for Iron Man 3 has all the requisite drama and romance and (mostly) explosions, but it has a new, unwelcome trait.

15 of your favourite people … as ZOMBIES!

I don’t give much of a crap what Kim Kardashian looks like as a zombie, but Sarah Michelle Gellar is another matter. Those nice people at The Walking Dead have put online an app that allows you to to turn yourself into a shambling flesh-eater. Buzzfeed had a little fun with your mainstream celebrities, but I figured it would be much more fun to put the likes of Grimes and Bat For Lashes and the cast of Doctor Who through the zombie-making machine …

The Avengers

“I thought it was crap. The acting was dire and the story was stupid. It reminded me of an average episode of the Power Rangers. I could predict all the jokes before they told them, and not in an “oh, cool, he’s going to say that” way, but in a here-we-go way, and it just wasn’t funny. The bit with the Hulk and Loki was the only point where I cracked a smile. Samuel L Jackson sounded like he turned up, said, “I’ll say the lines but I’m only going to do them once” and Robert Downey Jr just phoned it in. It reminded me of Transformers – I just did not care what happened to anyone. Too many explosions and too much CGI. I was just really bored.”

I’m staring at Him Indoors. Did we just watch the same film?

Because my first thoughts were … Oh, OK. I’ll be honest here: my first thoughts were, “OK, Tom Hiddleston? I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.” This was important because if there was only one thing I knew about The Avengers (AKA Avengers Assemble), it was that every girl on Planet Earth (and, presumably, Asgard if they have Tumblr there) is very loudly and passionately in love with Tom Hiddleston. I wouldn’t go that far, but he’s not completely hideous.

My next thought after that thought was that I just watched a really good film. You already know this. It’s the third highest grossing film of all time with a 92% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s not the most amazing film I’ve ever seen, but I’d rank it comfortably between the Iron Man films and the first two X-Men. I told Him Indoors four-out-of-five, which concurs with its review average of 8/10. (You’ll notice this about me: when I disagree with the critics, they’re all wrong, but when they agree with me, they’re just stating the obvious.) It just does everything right – exhilarating action scenes, witty banter and a plot that doesn’t ramble.

6 films to tape off the telly

I try to make it a rule here to only write about films that I can in all good conscience recommend, but there are a lot of films that are quite enjoyable, but just not so much that I suggest going out of your way to get them.

You know the drill: it’s Saturday night and there’s nowhere to go, so you figure you’ll stay in and watch a movie. You have a bag of Doritos, a can or two of beer, and you fancy a no-brainer slab of hassle-free entertainment to numb the senses for a couple of hours. You glance at the DVD rack – Iron Man? Spider-Man? Taken? You’ve seen them all too recently to sit through them again. So, you leaf through the TV guide (or have a browse on Netflix) and the following catch your eye. I say, go for it! These lightweight popcorners do the job pretty well without really meriting recommendations in their own right.

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1. Pandorum

This German-British sci-fi thriller, produced by Paul WS Anderson, comes very close to being genuinely good. Perhaps with a higher budget, it would have eclipsed the still-faintly-unsatisfying Sunshine and Event Horizon, but it’s still a fairly entertaining B-movie with a couple of unexpected twists. Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster are survivors of an accident in space, waking up from extended hypersleep with amnesia. Trying to piece together what has happened to the rest of the crew, they explore the ship – only to (predictably) find that there are strange and terrifying creatures on board.

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The Last Laugh

“What the hell is WRONG with you people?”

The comment sliced through the internet forum like a knife. People had been giggling at photographs of fans at a sci-fi convention posing awkwardly with their idols. The jokes – some cruel, some offbeat – focussed on how socially awkward each autograph-hunter looked with the actors in their practiced poses. Nerds laughing at nerds.

The forumite raged that the kid clearly had learning difficulties – what kind of monster laughs at that? You could almost hear the shuffling of feet; almost see the downcast gazes of shame.

So, last night, Ricky Gervais presented the Golden Globes. He’ll likely never work again – in Hollywood at least – but that’s not the tragedy here.