Bugger! Is that the time already? Sorry, I have been too busy laughing my assorted menagerie off at this piece from The Stool Pigeon someone’s just passed to me:
Bastard lovechild — Is sex out of wedlock still considered edgy? So why would anyone still be writing that albums ‘sound like the bastard lovechild of X and Y musicians’? I mean, there’s a good chance your parents hadn’t gotten round to tying the knot by the time you were conceived. But so what? It doesn’t make you a latter-day Edmund from King Lear. Hell, it doesn’t even make you Jon Snow off Game Of Thrones. And he’s f***ing boring.
Oh, guilty! Guilty of them all!
Effort — This pseudonymous irritant can usually be found lurking in its natural habitat, trailing after the word ‘sophomore’. A ‘sophomore effort’! There isn’t a street in the land you wouldn’t get punched on for saying that out loud.
Conscious decision — As an interviewer, two words that tell you you’ve run out of interesting things to say, e.g. “Was it a conscious decision to make a more boring-sounding record this time around, or did it evolve that way naturally?” Let me guess: it evolved that way naturally. Also: please kill me now.
No, b*llocks to it, I stand by that one. If, like Necessary, you start off making *cough* blissed-out dub-trance and then your next album is Post-Dictatorial Troll-hop, then either you’ve had a band meeting about your future direction or someone woke up in a grump that day.
Caught up with — Why are so many musicians running away from journalists?
It’s not so much running away as failing to take time out to answer the questions. Do you know how long it took dEUS to sit down for an interview back in 1996? A week. An entire f***ing week, and I was with them at the time!
Garnered — Bulls*** word, as in “Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy garnered widespread acclaim for his 786th full-length proper, Wenches & Pheasants.”
Crap. You’re really hammering my vocabulary here.
Jaunty handclaps — As opposed to what? Sombre handclaps?
I’m pretty sure Nick Cave has covered that one.
Jazz-inflected — Knee-jerk phrase employed whenever a pop/rock musician plays a major seventh chord and the writer panics.
I still don’t have the tiniest f***ing clue what BNM means, but then, I still refuse to read Pitchfork.
Oh yes. #musicmonday … sombre handclaps, right? Straight To You. If Nick Cave is not clapping sombrely, I am.